18. Facing Your Fears

"It's a lot easier to just bury your head in the sand ...."

So said a mate. It's a controversial statement with a comforting ring of "truth". But is it really true? Ask yourself, how does hiding in the sand help you?

In the long-term, Facing Your Fears will serve you so much better.

When fear overwhelms, it's tempting to "hide" and bury your head in the sand. Like the child who cups her eyes and says, "You can't see me know!" She believes she's invisible - but, of course, she is not.

With your head in the sand, the "scary thing" can still see you. It lurks among the grains to haunt you. And guess what? You'll probably suffocate! Isn't that more scary that the source of the original fear?

An effective alternative

How can you un-stick yourself from scared, sand-choked and stuck?

I recently had to ask someone if I could stay on another two weeks. I couldn't predict or control the outcome - and my anxiety was palpable. I remember sitting on the bus with knots in my stomach. But the question had to be asked, the "deed" had to be done.

I summoned up all my inner strength, my experience, my powers of reasoning, negotiation and charm - and found an angle that made a "yes" response a win-win situation for us all.

My quest was a success. If I had not asked - the anxiety would have continued and I would up been "up shit creek without a paddle" as the saying goes.

So, how can you un-stick yourself from scared, sand-choked and stuck?

• Remember that the "sand" is more likely to kill you than the thing you fear.

• Remember that fear is a natural human state. It plays a vital role of alterting us to genuine danger. In manageable doses, it spurs us on to action to make the changes that will enhance our lives. So fear can be a friend - a good thing.

• Recall when - and how - you have overcome fear in the past - and use this to remind yourself that you can do it again! Remember how good it felt when you came out the other side? That buzz? Use it...

Tips for when fear outstays its welcome

1) Play with Perspective

The other night I woke up feeling anxious. Deadlines looming - day of workshops to produce and host, a new home to find. And more. Plates to juggle. Was feeling the pressure.

What helped me get back to sleep? I pictured the thing I feared most and chose to view it as a cuddly, fury toy!

Instead of scary, it became colourful, tactile, sensual and fun. A child's delight!

As soon as I shifted the focus from fear to fun, I began to relax. The butterflies quietened and the fear abated to a manageable dose. I repeated this a couple of times - and within minutes my fear had diminished such that I fell back to sleep. Soundly!

2) Raid your memory banks for previous triumphs

Remember point 3 from above?

Recall when you have overcome fear in the past. Bring to mind that sense of achievement. Embody the buzz. Let the excitement and the energy fill you up.

Focus on the positive facets of facing your fears. Draw on the well of that energy, that resource.

Don't get bogged down in the "How" at this stage. Just luxuriate in the triumph of the outcome. Let it nourish you and heal your wounded soul.

When you're ready you can think about the how. What DID you do? What did you call upon to help you to face that fear? Write it down, draw it - turn it into a piece of music - record it in any way that's meaningful for you.

You can't remember how you did it? No matter. Just know that you did it somehow - which means that you can do it again :-)

3) "So What?" Syndrome

Two small words, one enormous impact.

When the niggling voices of judgement and self-doubt start to bite, toss them a retort of "So what?" Whatever weapon the saboteur armies try to beat you with, parry and disarm them with, "So what?"

So what if .....? So what? ....... Because the likelihood is, it doesn't matter.

You mum wouldn't approve? So what? You might fluff a line in a presentation? So what? World's still turning. The sky is not about to fall in :-)

And take a tip from Byron Katie's The Work; next time you assume your mum, dad, brother, sister, boyfriend, husband, wife, son, daughter, teacher, boss, auntie ethel, grandma / boobeh, the gardener, the milkman, best friend, next-door neighbour - or anyone else - wouldn't approve, ask yourself "How do you Know?"

And, even if you can "prove" it, ask yourself again, "So What?" !

© Annie Wigman

Dancing Tree - Creatively Yours