There was the eerie absence of traffic up ahead. The side road blocked off at the junction into the main road. All the vehicles doing a U-turn. Tape. Police. Bystanders ... and a wrecked car, turned on its head and crushed and mangled. And debris ...
I don't know how it happened. I didn't see it. Didn't hear it. Only the aftermath. A sunday morning walk to the supermarket. Had been unremarkable ...
I can't get that picture of pale green remains of a car out of my head. It left me feeling sick to my very soul. I've no idea who was in there. And yet the sight of that mess brought tears to my eyes and left me shaking.
Have you ever heard the sound of a traffic accident? It is a terrible sound. I didn't hear this one but I am still just as haunted.
It's a bank holiday weekend. Weather's set fair for tomorrow. Supposed to be a hot one. Carnival! Music, colour, floats, procession, jerk chicken! rice n peas ...
But this accident was fatal. Car and human life a write-off. I guess it all happened so fast. One minute driving along - the next crashing into a lampost (apparently) and spinning and turning and flinging. And dying ...
I like to be upbeat in these writings. To be a playful kitten. To be the Dancing Tree. To be Sparkletta! Someone said to me yesterday that I'm the happiest complainer they'd ever met! :-)) Yep, I'm a right strop-meister at times, a right little madam princess. And yet it's always tempered by a happy smile and a vibe of positivity. However scared or under duress I feel. There's a part of me that's always anchored, secure in the knowledge that, whatever it takes -whatever hardship I sometimes find myself under - I'm living my life as best I can at the moment, the way that I want it.
It may not be "perfect" - not yet, anyway. There's plenty still to aim for. And, I'm sticking by the things that are important to me. I work part-time, even if it means not always having all the money that I'd like. I work among and with creative, artistic people. I have time to walk in the park, to stop and smell the roses. I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn each blooming day!
I have time to chat, time to amble, time to dream. Time to be as mischievous and playful and curious as a kitten and as foxy and as agile as an adult cheetah.
My life is sometimes trying. I don't always have enough money. Right now, I need to renew my expired Passport and I need to book airline tickets for my nephew's barmitzvah in Israel. And there are at least 2 or maybe 3 courses that I'd hugely like to invest in. All seem frustratingly out of reach at the moment.
And yet there's a calmness, a stillness inside me that's completely happy and content. I'm not a 24-7 corporate drone.
In a couple of weeks it'll be once again Rosh Hashanah. The Jewish New Year. I'm no longer "observant", no longer religious. But I welcome this time of renewal and I wish you all a wonderful, sweet and happy new year. And that you should live your lives as you wish them to be remembered. With fondness, with calm and excitement. And passion. And truth. And wisdom. And mischief. And fun. And music. And art. And colour. And science. Creativity. And sensuality. And integrity. And authenticity. And true to yourself ....
What is the crucial thing that helps you to live the life that's right for you before your life gets written off?
Happy New Year!
Annie x
© Annie Wigman
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